JOY in my journey...

I was recently challenged as a man came to share his life and journey with us as a staff... You see, it was a staff equipping day, but it turned out to be a "life giving" day for me... He was sharing how we have to be listeners, learners, then share the truth in love.

I was listening to this man teach how to relate to people of other religions when I asked him how to relate to those in my life of different religions. They will see the JOY and LOVE. As soon as he told me that they would see my JOY, I was impacted by this and broke down crying during our prayer time.

While I didn't share this with anyone until later that night when I shared it with my husband, I had to repent to God. I repented for believing the lie that to be spiritually mature, I had to be quiet, reserved, serious. I let go of the JOY God gave to me for the lie of being distinguished... I believed that I had to listen to those who think being quiet and reserved is the right way... So many times in my life I've been told I'm too joyful, too happy...

Well, yes. I have survived much. I need to have JOY. God gave it to me. It is His precious gift to me... After years and years of trials, and struggles, I could be bitter and angry, but He gave me the gift of JOY and I almost threw it away for the world. Some would say they don't see me as having little joy, but it's not the abundant JOY of my heart... It's the watered down, simplified joy. The kind that comes from feeling I need to muffle it...

So on Wednesday, I committed to God and myself that I will return to the JOY God has given to me.... I will return to being the person HE wants me to be, not what my "world" tells me I should be. Yes, I will listen to wisdom and counsel, but I will unleash the long-locked away JOY that is inside me desperate to rise up and show the world His love...